Trivia.... :)

Wow, it's been a long time since I wrote the last post for my blog. Huhu...what am I doing actually? Hahaha...

Ok, ok, now this is serious. I have gone through a lot of things lately with different moments and experiences plus bittersweet of life. Yeah, I had experienced the real life of this world outside from my "cave" or " safety hideout". In simple words, I.am.a.free.adult.without.the.title.of.student.anymore. I am a grown-up woman with heaviest burden on my shoulder for forever. And the shocking part is I am still thinking I am a free girl with a lot of sweet memories even though all of that has gone ages ago. Yup! I'm done. I have no idea of what I am thinking or doing right now. Simply speaking, I'm lost in my own world that I create myself...

I need "something" to help me...plessss....plez help me, direct me to the right path so that I can be a person that everyone think about. I need a stepping stone to assist me to progress towards the "real" goal. I lost.....uhmmm...

psssttt...if I do some progress, I'll share it here. Do pray for me. Tq.

I am beautiful :)

Candice Glover - I AM BEAUTIFUL

You say I sound silly when I laugh real loudTalk about my day and you tune me outYou keep telling me lies to make things worseBut I don't hear you'Cause I'm listening to his words
And he says I am beautifulAnd when I fallIt don't matter that I'm not perfectI am beautifulI'm not aloneAnd in his eyes I'm so worth itI'm worth every tearAnd every scarAnd even when you say I'm not
He says I'm beautifulYou say I'll never be good enoughKnock me downWon't help me upAnd you always say the right thing to make me hurtBut I don't hear you'Cause I'm listening to his words
And he says I am beautifulAnd wonderfulIt don't matter that I'm not perfectI am beautifulI'm not aloneAnd in his eyes I'm so worth itI'm worth every tearAnd every scarAnd even when you say I'm not
He says I'm beautifulAnd I deserve better thingsHe says he understandsI got to do what's right for meAnd he says I am beautifulAnd when I fallIt don't matter that I'm not perfectI am beautifulI'm not aloneAnd in his eyes I'm so worth itI'm worth every tearAnd every scarAnd even when you say I'm not
He says I'm beautifulHe saysHe saysI'm beautifulAnd I'm worth every tearAnd every scarAnd even when you say I'm notHe says I'm beautiful

P/S: I am beautiful...no doubt of that fact!  :) plus we are all beautiful in our own way.

This is THE END...SMKJ 2013 IN MEMORY

Alhamdulillah, perjuangan ku berakhir jua. Tanggal 23 Mei 2013 akan aku sematkan dalam lipatan kenangan hidupku selagi hayat masih dikandung badan. Semoga setiap ilmu dan pengalaman yang kukutip di SMKJ menjadi panduan berguna di masa depan.

Tapi....
Mengapa hati ini masih terasa kalau separuh jiwaku masih lagi di SMKJ? Seolah2 aku masih memikul tanggungjawab sebagai "cikgu@teacher" untuk intan payungku, 1 Cyan & 2 Cyan. Sejujurnya, aku merasakan yang jiwaku masih lagi tidak dapat menerima kenyataan yang aku sudah "bebas, merdeka" dari segala masalah, tension, lesson plan, karenah2 pelajar, pentadbiran, ko-k, sukan...bla,bla,bla - inilah GURU - bukan sekadar MENGAJAR tapi juga MENDIDIK bersama-sama dengan TUGAS PERKERANIAN yang bertimbun-timbun. Sehinggakan aku sendiri terfikir, sampai kapan semua ini akan berakhir. Tugas-tugas GURU tiada kesudahannya. Sejujurnya, aku rasa tak sanggup untuk meneruskan kerjaya dalam profesion ini selepas 3 bulan berpraktikum TAPI inilah aku...di sini lah hidupku yang seterusnya...Banyak pancaroba dan dugaan menanti NAMUN aku tahu di sudut hati aku, aku yakin dengan 1 perkara - Aku ingin menjadi seorang GURU, dipanggil Teacher @ Cikgu - mengajar dan mendidik anak bangsaku yang jauh ketinggalan dalam bahasa asing (English). Inilah passionku. Lucunya, setelah 4 tahun, untuk pertama kalinya, aku begitu yakin dengan apa yang aku nak dalam hidup aku.. O yeah! I'm a teacher babe!

Hahaha...
Aku sudah "waras" sekarang. Mula-mula balik ke bilik selepas hari last dengan sambutan hari guru, aku rasa seolah-olah dunia ni sangat sangat sangat kosong. seolah-olah hidup aku tak berguna, tiada hala tuju - nothing! Bila aku tengok bilik yang bersepah dengan buku-buku rujukan dan latihan, papers untuk students, fail2, beg, kasut, pelbagai corak baju kurung yang bersepah, ada satu perasaan aneh yang sukar untuk aku terjemahkan. Rasa nak menangis tapi tiada air mata. Rasa nak menjerit sekuat hati tapi tiada suara. Sekali rasa tak mau pandang semua ni, rasa benci, sedih, terharu...semua bersilih ganti. Ya ALLAH,,,,,aku tak nak semua ni berakhir tapi aku juga bersyukur kerana aku berjaya mencabar diri aku menghabiskan 3 bulan tempoh berpraktikum. Ya, 3 bulan bukan satu tempoh yang singkat. Banyak perkara pahit dan manis dilalui. Alhamdulillah, aku masih di sini. Aku tak lari dari tanggungjawabku sebagai seorang pelajar, guru praktikum, anak...aku bangga dengan diri aku sendiri. Yeah, I'm proud with myself. I did great! I'm awesome, lovely, amazing, fantastic baby!

To SMKJ, students and teachers,
Thank you for allowing me be part of your life. So many things we had done together with so much passion and bittersweet memories. I hope I can emulate your passion as a "cikgu" and be the best teacher ever in the future....To my students, thank you so much! Frankly speaking, I can't stand with your behaviours, you guys are very naughty BUT sporting, cool and amazing. You guys taught me a lot about life and responsibility. Hope to see you again in future! Hopefully......I wish you guys all the best, learn diligently and please don't forget my name "Teacher As".....

Thank you for the presents, wishes and your love. Will miss you guys and I know that for sure with no doubt! Saranghae! Kamsahamnida! Arigato! xie xie! Terima kasih.

The end of observation....

Thank you to my supporters ( my beloved students ) heee....for being so nice when my mentor came in and observed my teaching for the last time. You guys rock!!! But........quickly "lupa diri" when my mentor stepped her foot out from the class. And then for the many times, again, you guys like aunties and uncles at pasar malam....hohhooo....Anyway, million thanks from your teacher, honest and humble from the deepest of my heart. Love you guys! ♥♥♥

Oh yea, I have bad news anyway.....
hmmm,,,,I unintentionally deleted the videos I took during the obeservation...uwaaaa.... so sad! My precious video with my precious students was gone like that. I wish I could stop my hand but it too late now. Luckily I still have a few pictures with you guys. Anyway, this monday will be our last lesson and I promise I will try my best to teach you guys how to do summary writing for your exam. Jia you my dears.....You can do it even without me because you are always the best in my eyes! I hope I could record another precious video with you guys this monday...as memento...for me....for being your teacher...for three months.

My mentor,
Thank you for today
as I did not expect at all
you have shown me the real you
the one I would like to say
"thank you, teacher"
once again,
thank you so much for all these times
I know sometimes we are not so nice but
we quickly deleted all the bad things and created new memories together
I want you to know
You are always be my mentor
Wish you all the best!

P/s: ....another two weeks before everything becomes a memory forever....

My lovely May :)

ooo..yeah! May is here!
I count alot on you, May! Please be nice to me n my other friends ya!

Friday @tomorrow....
My last hope and last chance for the last observation....ooo..yeah! Please, please, please....let it be the last memorable and sweet observation for me, my mentor! n my lovely students, please be good boys and girls just for one day, ok! Love you guys sooo much :D

Mom and Dad,
Do pray for your naughty girl.....
Love both of you!

My dear,
Always be on my side no matter what happen yaa
Miss u soo much  :)

Friends,
You have gone through all the observation already
so you know my feeling
n how high the nervousness level is...haaahha
Wish me luck!
Fighting my dear coursemates...
The day that we wait for all this time is coming..
almost here and will be here...
23th May 2013
ooo,,,yeah!
I just want you girls know
that I am proud to be part of your life and soul
in this 4 years - 2009-2013
we are the best and will be the best till the end.....
Fighting for that day!!!!
♥ ♥ ♥ 

Honesty is complicated :)

English proverb said, honesty is the best policy. But somehow be too honest might hurt someone feeling secretly. Tapi honestly berlaku jujur dalam setiap perkara adalah sangat penting. 

Patut kah aku jujur sejujur jujurnya dengan dia? Bagaimana kalau nanti bila aku perkatakan sesuatu yang benar, dia akan terluka, patah hati.......Kenapa aku terlalu sangat suka menjaga hati orang lain dan mengabaikan perasaan aku yang sebenar? Kenapa aku tak boleh menjadi jujur dengan diri sendiri? Penting sangat ke lihat orang lain bahagia sedangkan diri sendiri menderita? 

I'm trying my best tapi kenapa hati aku tak tenteram. Rasa bersalah sangat dekat dia. Bagaimana kalau suatu hari nanti aku tinggalkan dia tanpa sebab, adakah dia akan terluka, sakit hati...berdendam dengan aku seumur hidup dia? Mungkin pasti tapi ini lah yang sedang ku cuba elakkan. Aku harap aku boleh jujur dengan setiap perbuatan, tingkah laku dan perasaan aku terhadap dia. Bila dia lontarkan persoalan...boleh aku berjanji akan jujur dan setia dengan dia?... apa patut aku balas,????...macam mana kalau aku cakap sebaliknya dia akan down dengan aku...no no no.... tapi kalau aku berjanji sedangkan hati aku sendiri berbelah bagi, bukan ke nanti aku hanya menambah kan dosa di kemudian hari. Berjanji tapi memungkiri...kalau aku, aku pun tak rela dipermainkan sebegini. Tapi hati aku.....kenapa aku tak boleh nak fix hati aku betul2 dekat dia? kenapa mesti ade lagi perasaan ragu-ragu? Honestly, aku suka dia atau tidak??? kenapa aku sendiri tidak ada jawapan untuk persoalan yang aku sendiri lontarkan? Aku rasa tidak adil untuk aku berjanji sesuatu yang aku sendiri tidak pasti..apa yang boleh aku katakan dekat dia...aku takut untuk berjanji tapi aku akan cuba yang terbaik, dan aku bagitau dia, jangan berjanji juga dengan aku tapi cubalah yang terbaik...InsyaAllah, andai itu takdirNya, pasti ada jodoh kita...:)

Kepada si dia,

Jangan terlalu berharap, jangan terlalu memaksa, jangan terlalu percayakan aku, jangan terlalu sayangkan aku, jangan letakkan harapan menggunung setinggi langit...aku hanya manusia biasa...pasti ada kekurangan dan salah silapnya. Semoga dikau mengerti andai hidup ini tidak seindah fantasi novel yang selalu kita angan-angankan.

Love is Blind (:

Cinta tak kenal siapa - Love is blind - (:
It come whenever, wherever its want. Or perhaps it's the love of the first sight. The first time you saw him, without warning your heart fall on him. Simply said, you know him long before you met him. How come? In your dream? Vision? Sixth sense? :) This is the power of love...♥ I know you my prince charming! When the time come, I will recognise you on our first sight. And at that time, we both smile at each other, feel the electric attraction of affection - Then pop up in our minds, Where did I ever met him/her before? lalala ~ ~ ~ ♫♫♫