Trivia.... :)

Wow, it's been a long time since I wrote the last post for my blog. Huhu...what am I doing actually? Hahaha...

Ok, ok, now this is serious. I have gone through a lot of things lately with different moments and experiences plus bittersweet of life. Yeah, I had experienced the real life of this world outside from my "cave" or " safety hideout". In simple words, I.am.a.free.adult.without.the.title.of.student.anymore. I am a grown-up woman with heaviest burden on my shoulder for forever. And the shocking part is I am still thinking I am a free girl with a lot of sweet memories even though all of that has gone ages ago. Yup! I'm done. I have no idea of what I am thinking or doing right now. Simply speaking, I'm lost in my own world that I create myself...

I need "something" to help me...plessss....plez help me, direct me to the right path so that I can be a person that everyone think about. I need a stepping stone to assist me to progress towards the "real" goal. I lost.....uhmmm...

psssttt...if I do some progress, I'll share it here. Do pray for me. Tq.

I am beautiful :)

Candice Glover - I AM BEAUTIFUL

You say I sound silly when I laugh real loudTalk about my day and you tune me outYou keep telling me lies to make things worseBut I don't hear you'Cause I'm listening to his words
And he says I am beautifulAnd when I fallIt don't matter that I'm not perfectI am beautifulI'm not aloneAnd in his eyes I'm so worth itI'm worth every tearAnd every scarAnd even when you say I'm not
He says I'm beautifulYou say I'll never be good enoughKnock me downWon't help me upAnd you always say the right thing to make me hurtBut I don't hear you'Cause I'm listening to his words
And he says I am beautifulAnd wonderfulIt don't matter that I'm not perfectI am beautifulI'm not aloneAnd in his eyes I'm so worth itI'm worth every tearAnd every scarAnd even when you say I'm not
He says I'm beautifulAnd I deserve better thingsHe says he understandsI got to do what's right for meAnd he says I am beautifulAnd when I fallIt don't matter that I'm not perfectI am beautifulI'm not aloneAnd in his eyes I'm so worth itI'm worth every tearAnd every scarAnd even when you say I'm not
He says I'm beautifulHe saysHe saysI'm beautifulAnd I'm worth every tearAnd every scarAnd even when you say I'm notHe says I'm beautiful

P/S: I am beautiful...no doubt of that fact!  :) plus we are all beautiful in our own way.

This is THE END...SMKJ 2013 IN MEMORY

Alhamdulillah, perjuangan ku berakhir jua. Tanggal 23 Mei 2013 akan aku sematkan dalam lipatan kenangan hidupku selagi hayat masih dikandung badan. Semoga setiap ilmu dan pengalaman yang kukutip di SMKJ menjadi panduan berguna di masa depan.

Tapi....
Mengapa hati ini masih terasa kalau separuh jiwaku masih lagi di SMKJ? Seolah2 aku masih memikul tanggungjawab sebagai "cikgu@teacher" untuk intan payungku, 1 Cyan & 2 Cyan. Sejujurnya, aku merasakan yang jiwaku masih lagi tidak dapat menerima kenyataan yang aku sudah "bebas, merdeka" dari segala masalah, tension, lesson plan, karenah2 pelajar, pentadbiran, ko-k, sukan...bla,bla,bla - inilah GURU - bukan sekadar MENGAJAR tapi juga MENDIDIK bersama-sama dengan TUGAS PERKERANIAN yang bertimbun-timbun. Sehinggakan aku sendiri terfikir, sampai kapan semua ini akan berakhir. Tugas-tugas GURU tiada kesudahannya. Sejujurnya, aku rasa tak sanggup untuk meneruskan kerjaya dalam profesion ini selepas 3 bulan berpraktikum TAPI inilah aku...di sini lah hidupku yang seterusnya...Banyak pancaroba dan dugaan menanti NAMUN aku tahu di sudut hati aku, aku yakin dengan 1 perkara - Aku ingin menjadi seorang GURU, dipanggil Teacher @ Cikgu - mengajar dan mendidik anak bangsaku yang jauh ketinggalan dalam bahasa asing (English). Inilah passionku. Lucunya, setelah 4 tahun, untuk pertama kalinya, aku begitu yakin dengan apa yang aku nak dalam hidup aku.. O yeah! I'm a teacher babe!

Hahaha...
Aku sudah "waras" sekarang. Mula-mula balik ke bilik selepas hari last dengan sambutan hari guru, aku rasa seolah-olah dunia ni sangat sangat sangat kosong. seolah-olah hidup aku tak berguna, tiada hala tuju - nothing! Bila aku tengok bilik yang bersepah dengan buku-buku rujukan dan latihan, papers untuk students, fail2, beg, kasut, pelbagai corak baju kurung yang bersepah, ada satu perasaan aneh yang sukar untuk aku terjemahkan. Rasa nak menangis tapi tiada air mata. Rasa nak menjerit sekuat hati tapi tiada suara. Sekali rasa tak mau pandang semua ni, rasa benci, sedih, terharu...semua bersilih ganti. Ya ALLAH,,,,,aku tak nak semua ni berakhir tapi aku juga bersyukur kerana aku berjaya mencabar diri aku menghabiskan 3 bulan tempoh berpraktikum. Ya, 3 bulan bukan satu tempoh yang singkat. Banyak perkara pahit dan manis dilalui. Alhamdulillah, aku masih di sini. Aku tak lari dari tanggungjawabku sebagai seorang pelajar, guru praktikum, anak...aku bangga dengan diri aku sendiri. Yeah, I'm proud with myself. I did great! I'm awesome, lovely, amazing, fantastic baby!

To SMKJ, students and teachers,
Thank you for allowing me be part of your life. So many things we had done together with so much passion and bittersweet memories. I hope I can emulate your passion as a "cikgu" and be the best teacher ever in the future....To my students, thank you so much! Frankly speaking, I can't stand with your behaviours, you guys are very naughty BUT sporting, cool and amazing. You guys taught me a lot about life and responsibility. Hope to see you again in future! Hopefully......I wish you guys all the best, learn diligently and please don't forget my name "Teacher As".....

Thank you for the presents, wishes and your love. Will miss you guys and I know that for sure with no doubt! Saranghae! Kamsahamnida! Arigato! xie xie! Terima kasih.

The end of observation....

Thank you to my supporters ( my beloved students ) heee....for being so nice when my mentor came in and observed my teaching for the last time. You guys rock!!! But........quickly "lupa diri" when my mentor stepped her foot out from the class. And then for the many times, again, you guys like aunties and uncles at pasar malam....hohhooo....Anyway, million thanks from your teacher, honest and humble from the deepest of my heart. Love you guys! ♥♥♥

Oh yea, I have bad news anyway.....
hmmm,,,,I unintentionally deleted the videos I took during the obeservation...uwaaaa.... so sad! My precious video with my precious students was gone like that. I wish I could stop my hand but it too late now. Luckily I still have a few pictures with you guys. Anyway, this monday will be our last lesson and I promise I will try my best to teach you guys how to do summary writing for your exam. Jia you my dears.....You can do it even without me because you are always the best in my eyes! I hope I could record another precious video with you guys this monday...as memento...for me....for being your teacher...for three months.

My mentor,
Thank you for today
as I did not expect at all
you have shown me the real you
the one I would like to say
"thank you, teacher"
once again,
thank you so much for all these times
I know sometimes we are not so nice but
we quickly deleted all the bad things and created new memories together
I want you to know
You are always be my mentor
Wish you all the best!

P/s: ....another two weeks before everything becomes a memory forever....

My lovely May :)

ooo..yeah! May is here!
I count alot on you, May! Please be nice to me n my other friends ya!

Friday @tomorrow....
My last hope and last chance for the last observation....ooo..yeah! Please, please, please....let it be the last memorable and sweet observation for me, my mentor! n my lovely students, please be good boys and girls just for one day, ok! Love you guys sooo much :D

Mom and Dad,
Do pray for your naughty girl.....
Love both of you!

My dear,
Always be on my side no matter what happen yaa
Miss u soo much  :)

Friends,
You have gone through all the observation already
so you know my feeling
n how high the nervousness level is...haaahha
Wish me luck!
Fighting my dear coursemates...
The day that we wait for all this time is coming..
almost here and will be here...
23th May 2013
ooo,,,yeah!
I just want you girls know
that I am proud to be part of your life and soul
in this 4 years - 2009-2013
we are the best and will be the best till the end.....
Fighting for that day!!!!
♥ ♥ ♥ 

Honesty is complicated :)

English proverb said, honesty is the best policy. But somehow be too honest might hurt someone feeling secretly. Tapi honestly berlaku jujur dalam setiap perkara adalah sangat penting. 

Patut kah aku jujur sejujur jujurnya dengan dia? Bagaimana kalau nanti bila aku perkatakan sesuatu yang benar, dia akan terluka, patah hati.......Kenapa aku terlalu sangat suka menjaga hati orang lain dan mengabaikan perasaan aku yang sebenar? Kenapa aku tak boleh menjadi jujur dengan diri sendiri? Penting sangat ke lihat orang lain bahagia sedangkan diri sendiri menderita? 

I'm trying my best tapi kenapa hati aku tak tenteram. Rasa bersalah sangat dekat dia. Bagaimana kalau suatu hari nanti aku tinggalkan dia tanpa sebab, adakah dia akan terluka, sakit hati...berdendam dengan aku seumur hidup dia? Mungkin pasti tapi ini lah yang sedang ku cuba elakkan. Aku harap aku boleh jujur dengan setiap perbuatan, tingkah laku dan perasaan aku terhadap dia. Bila dia lontarkan persoalan...boleh aku berjanji akan jujur dan setia dengan dia?... apa patut aku balas,????...macam mana kalau aku cakap sebaliknya dia akan down dengan aku...no no no.... tapi kalau aku berjanji sedangkan hati aku sendiri berbelah bagi, bukan ke nanti aku hanya menambah kan dosa di kemudian hari. Berjanji tapi memungkiri...kalau aku, aku pun tak rela dipermainkan sebegini. Tapi hati aku.....kenapa aku tak boleh nak fix hati aku betul2 dekat dia? kenapa mesti ade lagi perasaan ragu-ragu? Honestly, aku suka dia atau tidak??? kenapa aku sendiri tidak ada jawapan untuk persoalan yang aku sendiri lontarkan? Aku rasa tidak adil untuk aku berjanji sesuatu yang aku sendiri tidak pasti..apa yang boleh aku katakan dekat dia...aku takut untuk berjanji tapi aku akan cuba yang terbaik, dan aku bagitau dia, jangan berjanji juga dengan aku tapi cubalah yang terbaik...InsyaAllah, andai itu takdirNya, pasti ada jodoh kita...:)

Kepada si dia,

Jangan terlalu berharap, jangan terlalu memaksa, jangan terlalu percayakan aku, jangan terlalu sayangkan aku, jangan letakkan harapan menggunung setinggi langit...aku hanya manusia biasa...pasti ada kekurangan dan salah silapnya. Semoga dikau mengerti andai hidup ini tidak seindah fantasi novel yang selalu kita angan-angankan.

Love is Blind (:

Cinta tak kenal siapa - Love is blind - (:
It come whenever, wherever its want. Or perhaps it's the love of the first sight. The first time you saw him, without warning your heart fall on him. Simply said, you know him long before you met him. How come? In your dream? Vision? Sixth sense? :) This is the power of love...♥ I know you my prince charming! When the time come, I will recognise you on our first sight. And at that time, we both smile at each other, feel the electric attraction of affection - Then pop up in our minds, Where did I ever met him/her before? lalala ~ ~ ~ ♫♫♫

Jar of Heart

JAR OF HEART

I know I can't take one more step towards you

Cause all that's waiting is regret

You know I'm not your ghost anymore

You lost the love I love the most

I learn to live half alive

And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are

Running around leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around

If I am anywhere to be found

But I have grown too strong

To ever fall back in your arms

And I've learned to live half alive

And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are

Running around living scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

Don't come back for me

Who do you think you are?

It took so long just to feel alright

Remember how to put back the light in my eyes

I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed

Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back

You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are

Running around leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

And who do you think you're

Running around leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts 

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

Don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

- Christina Perri - 

Terajui Minda Kita Ke Arah Kejayaan (:

I bumped into this amazing video on Dr.Zainur Rashid Zainuddin' Facebook page. I said to myself that I should share this video so that I can, at least, shared positive thinking to the others who visit my blog intentionally or unintentionally. Guys, let's change our mindset to a positive one. Get lost negative thinking!!! To be a success man in this life, we must 'BERUSAHA dan BERUSAHA'. Never ever give up (:

Watch this motivational video and lets us be the best among the best. Chaiyook!

Minumlah AIR pada Waktu Yang Betul (:

Thanks for those who shared this great tips in Facebook (: This is it! I should practise it and you too. Appreaciate our body and health as long as we can. Yup, time goes by and when it comes, no one knows....our fate! So, be prepared and starts to care our health starting from TODAY! Still not too late yet.

How to start? Read below.

This life is a mystery. Only God knows the best for us (:

Forgiveness

If laughter is the best medicine, then I guess forgiveness is the best remedy for the trouble heart. To forgive someone is the hardest thing to do. So as sorry seems to be the hardest word to say. It's very difficult to forgive someone especially those who had made us suffer mentally or physically. We want grudge, until we forget to think the word "forgive". Why is that? Simple answer but true, ego. We are egoist person and we think that we are always right. We think we are good enough and the perfect creature in this world. Seems like we are never cursing, gossiping, bad-mouthing others, etc. We are too egoist to admit the fact that we are also sometimes made mistakes and there were times where we hurt others feeling same like they did to us. This is life. Fair and square.

Am I a trouble maker? I admit that I'm not perfect. But please do understand me sometimes and don't ever think that you are always right. If I have problems or those problems give a damn to me, I wish you would give me some time to think so that I can comfort my broken heart. I need that damn time to soothe my haywire minds. If you push me, then I don't think I can hold back my patience much longer than I suppose to. Why is that? Because I am not that perfect. I do have my own bad side in my heart and soul.

Humans are always like that. We are never PERFECT! Full stop.

C.N.Y Holidays

I guess today is not my day. Everything I do seem wrong and I made a lot of mistakes. Ahh.....so sad. Everytime I feel sad, I will think about my mom. Straightly in my mind, I will think that there must be something bad I have done to my mom or my dad. I don't know. I just feel it. That's why my life was in miserable today. :('

Can't wait to go home tomorrow night! I need my mom right now.

P/s: Happy Chinese New Year to all Malaysians. Malaysians, let's live together as a big family no matter who we are!

I curse you!

Bloody bastard! How dare you stole my helmet! Crazy people......... Urghhh!!! I hate this state. Please la, don't be so immorale. Are you happy by stealing other's helmet. You know what, sinner? You don't just that bastard, you miserable my life and people around me. Because of you, first, I had trouble to go back home. Second, I had quarrel with my friend! Dammit! You'll pay for this. I curse you for ever............

People nowadays (especially youth) are so immoral, selfish and shit! Period.

Teaching Practice Day 5

Today is the last day for this week before Chinese New Year break for 1 week. Yeppi!!! I will take this opportunity to think about my previous day in the school, my students and the teachers. The most important thing is I wanna improve my teaching skills, communication skills, lesson plan and everything. Ya Allah, thanks for the one week break. Hopefully after the break, everything will be alright and I can be someone else whose much better for the students and the school. Chaiyok!

P/s: My school session is in afternoon. In school today, I guess I have to relief a few classes as the Chinese teachers will take early leave for CNY holidays this Sunday. The second thing is I need to hand in my RPH or record book to the principal.

Teaching Practice Day 3 & 4

Now I know you my students. I have two class to handle - Form 1C and Form 2C. Because they are still young ( 13 and 14 yours old) so, sometimes they over-behaved to attract teacher's attention. I have a lot to say about today's school, but let's just stop here. Enough to share, as a practical teacher, you must have high patience not just with the students but also the teacher especially your mentor. Period.

I will be advisor teacher for St John, Rusa (Rumah Sukan) and English Society.

P/s: It's not easy to be a teacher! Who said otherwise, with my humble, I invite you to be a teacher.

Teaching Practice Day 2

Nothing much to say - just "a student is still a student". I hate the fact that I started to like them even though there were time I felt like I wanna zipped their mouth and tied their hands and feet at their chair. Like one of my coursemate posted on Facebook, "This job is killing me rather fast, and it's only the second day". When I read that statement, all I can do just smile and shook my head. Seems like I agree with her. Really? Half of me said no BUT half of me said YES, it is! Ah, screw it. No matter what, today is only the second day and I still have 3 more months to go. Fighting!

O yeah. I forgot about my students. I really don't want to say it but..................zzzzzz

Teaching Practice Day 1

Today I'm not doing any BIG thing yet. Just met with the mentor along with the teacher whose I will replace her class for the next three month. So, I just get the syllabus, yearly scheme of work, curriculum specification, Gantt chart, checklist, text books and mother of all - DSP / PBS. From 1:05 until 6:50, there was nothing much to do. I'm suppose to teach 1 class today but the teacher would like to finish the pending exercises with the class. I'm so so glad to hear that because I came without preparing anything except the games. Huhuuu, I thought if I have to attend the class without the syllabus, then I'll just play games with them. Some sort like ice-breaking activity.

Today is just the beginning as tomorrow is the real day for me. Yup, tonight I must complete 2 lesson plan for 2 different classes. And the most important thing is I'll meet my students face to face. Me teaching them? O yeah! :) Wait the minute!! I feel thrill to meet them but at the same time, nervous. Yes, I am. I really want to be a great teacher for them. And I want to feel the sense of belonging in my class. Most important, I want them to enjoy my lesson. Hopefully, I can control the class and conduct an interesting and lively lesson. Please pray for me ya!

Anything I will post tomorrow. Let's see what will happen then. :D

Call me Miss A ❤

omaigod, omaigod, omaigod!!!!

Today is the day. Yup, you!! get ready for a real world! When I woke up this morning, I felt like I have hundred kilograms burden on my head. For a while I talked to myself, "Is this true or just my dream?" Arghhh,,,I don't want wake up yet. I want the day still in early morning..errr,,,,perhaps for today's 24 hours. Heeee. On my dream! :)

Because I'm in afternoon session, I still have a few more hours before I start dressing myself - make up, wearing baju kurung with matching headscarf, high heels, handbag, another bag.....etc. Don't forget stationery. I need that. O God! Please think positive, please think positive! Whether I like it or not, I have to face the reality. I must complete my practical and do my part as a society, as a big girl ( I don't want to say it yet- woman?), as a daughter of my mom and dad and as a humble servant for Allah. This is what I'm going to do onward in my future career and I have to take this opportunity to get as much as experiences that I need as a future T.E.A.C.H.E.R!

Please pray for me! tq. I wish all the best for my friends and other colleagues. Hope we can grasp the success and get ready for beautiful and amazing G.R.A.D.U.A.T.I.O.N day!!!

P/s: Starting from today and three more months onward, do call me Miss A. ❤❤❤



                      

15 ways to keep relationship working

Hope this tips will  be able to help those who would like to improve their relationship not just with their girlfriend or boyfriend but also with their family, friends, or even the society.....❤

P/s: I will try these tips in my daily life. Hope its working for a better life. (｡◕‿◕｡)

An accident is an accident.Period.

If I look at the bright side and think positively, I realize that an accident is an accident! No one wish a tragedy happens in their lives. So as my little brother. Hmm......I guess these past few days I was quite emotional. And guess what? It's because of 'woman hormon and disease'. Know what I mean right. Huhuhu...Now I started to feel sorry for him and I would like to thank him for still being alive in that horrible accident. If something happens to him, I wouldn't know what will happen to my family. Good or bad, after all, he is our youngest little brother. He is still young and of course he loves to explore his young age and teenage life in his own 'special' way. I hope I have the opportunity to guide her well. Because I am his sister as well as a future TEACHER! ヽ(•‿•)ノ. Please pray for me ya!.....tq

Now, forget all the bad things and starts a new chapter in 2013. The bright and beautiful one. Fighting!

Once again, countless of time - Me sad :(

I guess TODAY is my saddest day in 2013. Lots of things happened in my life's diary. When I looked at the sky this evening, I can see the gloomy face of me ups there. Hiding behind the cloud with the tears that 'she' tried to suppress, to hide it from everyone. The near the date and the day of the BIG day, looks like more unexpected or unforeseen accidents happen. Not once, but...twice, thrice,....I don't know. The numbers keep going and will always...in future. And the most upsetting thing in the world is when the one you trust the most betrayed you. No matter if she/ he is your friend, colleague, buddy or even your own family member. And this kind of act happen to me just now. And he is my youngest brother that I love the most. The one that I think resemble me the most and always someone that I trust to rely on. How come he ever dare to betray his sister, his own blood. I guess he didn't realize how much I hate him just now. Inside my heart shouted, 'YOU DON'T DESERVE MY LOVE AND TRUST!'

 I hate him not just because he hurts me and left my heart broken and smashed into pieces that I think will never ever get back to its shape again. No, that not the only reason. His action didn't just affecting me,but also his parents, other sibling and everyone besides him. 

1) He makes my mom be as cold as ice today. He hurts mom more than anyone. I hate this the most!!!

2) He left his other siblings over worried plus broken heart, just to find his whereabouts. 

3) He brought shame to our family.

4) He's too egoist and self-centered.

5) He's the BLACK SHEEP of the family.

Last but not least...

6) He broke my love trust towards him...( for ever ). No more second chance! (at least this year)

I promise to myself that I will never ever let him "touch and use" my babies (mobile phone, motorcycle, etc...). Please don't blame me, and don't tell the world that I'm a selfish sister...no, I am not. I love him, but he repay my love and trust in this "unbelievable" way that make me really want to shout, curse, kick, smack......his behaviour. He disgrace me, his mom and dad and siblings. He brought shame to our family. He makes his mom the saddest person in the world and because of this, I wouldn't think I can forgive him. Forgiveness will come soon, as the blood is thicker than water, but it will take time to rebuild the love and trust towards him once again. All he can do now is waiting and waiting for the forgiveness until everything is back to normal.

It's TRUE that wealth can be find again, but there is the time that we need to teach him A LESSON - Not to torture him, but for his sake in the future. Someone needs to open his eyes and the brain inside that hard skull of him so that he can think the good and the bad of his action if it happen again next time. Full stop.

Crazy me!

You change it from PINK to RED??? R U kidding me??? Gosh, I feel like want curse everyone right now. Why you not discuss with me first before you made the decision. Plus, it's not yours, it's mine, ok!!!! Crazy people, crazy me...... :(( Dammit!

I wish I never had "it". I guess that thing just make myself miserable. I hate it now even though I have had love 'my baby' before. Why everyone beside me try to make me sad? Why they don't even consider my feeling for once. Fine! If that what you want, don't be regret if I'm doing something you will not expect at all in return...Just wait for the day!!!

P/s: Forgiveness is not something you can easily give and get. You can never heal the broken heart in one day...you get it! Full stop.

I do now appreciate a Teacher...